Last week, I was stewing in a soup of rejection. And even though I didn't want to be, I couldn't help swirling unhelpful thoughts through my mind. And then, I remembered who am, and I shifted those thoughts. Believe me, it wasn't automatic. I had to purposely shift my focus from what I didn't want (bad feelings) to what I did want (good feelings). It was totally within my control and doable. And even so, when unhelpful thoughts wanted to jump back in, as they are prone to doing, I shifted them immediately because I was dialed in.
These are the most common unhelpful and self defeating thoughts that I work through with my clients:
1) It takes too long.
2) It's too hard.
3) I don't feel like it.
Let's take these one at a time.
It takes too long is an opinion not a fact. Things take as long as they take. When I had a big meniscus surgery almost two years ago, I felt this way every day. It took closer to 16 months for my knee to feel like nothing ever happened. Not six weeks. Not six months. Not twelve months like I was told--way longer than I ever expected. So what? It took as long as it took. Healing is a journey. OUCH. Painful and true. So what? The more I was frustrated, the harder it felt. This "it takes too long" is a very self defeating statement not based in reality that can easily be dismissed by truth. Things take as long as they take for all kinds of reasons, many of which we do not understand. We don't have to understand. It just is.
The idea that things are "too hard" is also an opinion. There are plenty of things in life that feel hard. Chemotherapy is hard. Very hard. Watching your infant suffer through it like I did--vomiting blood and almost dying--heartbreakingly hard. Not impossible, though. We are both living proof. So if something is truly "too hard" maybe it is not something you can do alone? The obvious answer is to ask for help.
I don't feel like it is what teenagers say when you ask them to clean their room. If we waited until we felt like doing something, it might never happen. So this statement is also an excuse. The opposite of this statement is that I am only going to do things I DO feel like doing. That approach will never work. Paying taxes, getting a colonoscopy, suffering through a family gathering with difficult, wounded people--we don't ever feel like doing. We do them because we want them done. We do them because they are required. Period. And, if it has to be done, complaining or naysaying about it is wasted energy. Just do it, as positively as you can, and let it be. You are not alone. Everyone is doing things they'd rather not only a regular basis.
This week, choose your focus. Are you trying to get past something? Write it down in your journal. Ask God or the abundant universe for guidance or insight. Imagine feeling like you were already past it. Are you facing a tough time with your motivation, health, vitality? Choose one small thing to do as an act of sheer force to face down the very thing you are challenged by. Let that one small step be a reminder to you that you are more than capable of getting through the hardest days of your life. You already have. Are you swirling in doubt, defeat, lack of interest? Ask yourself what is the opposite of that feeling? Acknowledge where you are. No toxic positivity pretending here. Then choose how you'd like to be showing up for yourself. Confident, forward thinking, curious? Pick one thing and follow it.
For whatever reason, Winston Churchill quotes keep coming to me when I think about the importance of mindset shifting, getting through tough times and gaining perspective. One in particular:
"It's not enough to do your best. You have to do what's required."
It's your precious life, my friend. You choose it. How you want it to feel. How you want to be thinking about it. How you want to move through your day. You choose.
I am always cheering you on!
xo Coach Karen :))
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