When Nobody is Looking

What are you doing when nobody is looking? When you get quiet if you are normally "loud"--what is up? Nothing? Not likely. This has been me for the past several months. I have been on an unannounced hiatus from writing this blog--from reaching out to new clients--from offering my coaching programs--and it's not because I've not been engaged with worthwhile pursuits. Just the opposite. It's because I have been unexpectedly drawn inward to what's going on right in front of me.

It's not what I'd like to talk about. I am honestly a lot more comfortable shining the spotlight on other people. I am a coach! I like listening to my client friends' concerns, their worries, their wonders, cheering and guiding them through it all.

I am 59 years old. My mom is almost 87, and my dad is almost 88. Lou (my significant other of 13 years) has a mom who is 95! If anyone told me that I would be thinking about aging issues and all the painful indignities that come with it, on a daily basis, to a greater or more upsetting extent, I would have said no way. But the truth is, this is what is occupying a lot of my life right now. I know I am not alone or special in this stage. I am still surprised and in quiet moments, very sad about it all.

And, I am a hopeful realist. So this is not where toxic positivity comes in--cue the Lion King and the Circle of Life song. This is where you show up as yourself--sad and quiet and wondering and let these moments be what they are.

I believe in synchronicities. Things do somehow "line up" when you are ready.

Two months ago I was invited to a place called the Bardo in Inver Grove Heights. This a house, in a neighborhood, on a lovely plot of land, with a garden and bees and very specially curated bedrooms and bathrooms for people who are definitely on their way out of this world. I was one of about twenty coaches invited to learn about this special place and bring attention around death. Of all things for life coaches--it's time to give energy to death.

Of the twenty coaches there, two of us chose to get trained in hosting what is called a "Death Cafe." This is a social event, for anyone who wants to talk about their thoughts about death.

It's not grief support group or end of life planning training. It's a social occasion to give what is waiting for us all, some breathing space--and some community--and some normalization around what is a very "normal" part of life, but presently has so much fear attached. This started in the UK, and tea and cake are required.

Since learning about this, I have heard of "drafts and death" cafes held at breweries. There is one death cafe held monthly in NE Minneapolis at an art gallery. The Marsh is going to be hosting them too. They can be held online as well. I am presently looking for a venue and considering options.

We talk about weddings and have showers and parties. We talk about birth and gather and anticipate the big moment that is to come. We celebrate the milestones of life with religious communities, families, support groups, schools, and this too--death, can be talked about without the dread of the great unknown attached to it, so that it can be normalized. This is one experience that for sure is going to happen to every single one of us.

One of the most curious things about thinking about the end--is that we then become very intentional about the NOW. Our lives matter on our best days and our worst days. Our life means something more than just going to work, striving/striving/striving and pushing along. And oddly, when you start talking about the end game (oh, I'll bring the fun here too) we want the NOW game to matter on our terms.

If you'd like to be kept informed about what's next, let me know. I am planning what and where and also maybe online too.

In the meantime, make the most of this halfway point in the calendar year--this one third the way point into our summer of 2025--and enjoy yourself. As you are. No excuses. No apologies. No regrets.

I am always cheering you on...even when I may go quiet for a bit.

xo Coach Karen :))